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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26650876">Bubble Wrap Times A Million</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Tentacular Temptation Series [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fingering But It's A Pun On Fingering On An Instrument, M/M, Pore Penetration, Tentacle Sex, Weird Tongue Stuff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:06:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,181</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26650876</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Squidward just wants a day to himself, so of course SpongeBob flies into his house like Minnow Poppins.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>SpongeBob SquarePants/Squidward Tentacles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Tentacular Temptation Series [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956436</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>210</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Bubble Wrap Times A Million</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This will mostly make sense without reading <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26550082"><i>Little Popping Sounds</i></a> first. You should read it anyway!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the weekend, SpongeBob and Patrick had gone fishing, and Squidward was home by himself.</p><p>“Ladadee, ladada, ladadoo…” He hummed, pouring himself a morning cup of tea in the kitchen. Not coffee: he didn’t want to be awake for a day of work or alert for a recital. His only plans were to relax. <em>And to have some fun alone, </em>he thought as he stroked the front of his robe, waiting for the tea to steep. He’d been half rigid the minute he’d woken up today, his mating arm poking out of its pouch to greet the morning, but there was no reason to rush things to a conclusion. There was time to take things nice and slow. He walked to the sofa and set down the cup, melting into the cushions, robe undone, letting it all hang out. “Haaa, yes, this is nice…”</p><p>His front door pushed open loudly and SpongeBob flew in on a wave, the jellyfishing net in his hand guiding the way, like Minnow Poppins with her umbrella. “Whhhhoooo-hey, Squidward!” The door slammed shut and SpongeBob landed gracefully between the sofa and the TV, right in front of Squidward, leaning on the handle of his net like a cane.</p><p>“SPONGEBOB!” Squidward stood up and quickly covered himself with his robe. “What are you doing in here!? I thought you went jellyfishing!”</p><p>“Sorry, Squidward. I didn’t exactly plan to come here,” he adjusted his thick-rimmed jellyfishing glasses and dusted off his square pants. “But the torrents blew me all the way back from the fields! I don’t even know where Patrick landed.”</p><p>At that moment, as if the weather were out to prove SpongeBob right, the door opened again and a stream of cold water rushed through the house, undoing Squidward’s robe once more, revealing his manhood with a <em>boioioing!</em> sound. The door shut again with a bang.</p><p>“Oh, hi there, Matey!” SpongeBob squealed, like he had run into an old friend. “You up for some fun?” Squidward realized he was talking to his mating arm.</p><p>“Don’t give my body parts cute nicknames!”</p><p>“Right. It’s just, we have met before.”</p><p>“Don’t remind me…” The most humiliating workday of his life. And that was saying something! He shut his robe again and this time fastened the cord with a double knot.</p><p>“Well?” SpongeBob asked.</p><p>“Well, what?”</p><p>“…up for some fun?”</p><p>Oh, no. No no no no no. No! Squidward was not going to let this kind of behavior stand. “If I’m having fun, it’s going to be without you!”</p><p>“Aw, why?”</p><p>“Wh-why!? Because I don’t want to mate you!”</p><p>“Alright, that’s fair. Bye, Squidward!” He cheerfully greeted his neighbor and opened the door to leave. A rush of water blew him back in, plonked him down right in front of Squidward, and a cluster of more gentle waves untied the double knot of Squidward’s robe carefully. <em>Boioioioing!</em></p><p>It was SpongeBob who looked embarrassed. “Heh, excuse me, let me just-” SpongeBob tried to leave through the door again, holding onto the door frame, straining to move forward, but the stream just forced him back in and slammed the door shut. He tried this five more times.</p><p>“Enough! SpongeBob, you’re going to break my front door!” The whole debacle was so frustrating that his mating arm had disappeared in its sheath out of its own volition. The cold coming in through the door hadn’t helped, either.</p><p>“Sorry, Squidward.” For an annoying moron, he sure was polite. Squidward sighed.</p><p>“Sit down. We’re going to watch TV until the torrents die down.” <em>And then I’m going to pray my ardor is going to return. </em>He was not going to go to work tomorrow with blue balls, metaphorically speaking. Look what had happened last time! <em>The most humiliating workday of his life…</em></p><p>He went to take a sip from his tea, but a cold wave had turned it into a block of ice. “Yuck!”</p><p>The mood was tense between them, maybe because SpongeBob felt a bit shy about what had happened. <em>I know I yelled at him, but I realize it’s not his fault there’s wind! He can’t keep pouting about that.</em> They were halfway into an episode of <em>House Fancy</em> before SpongeBob spoke again.</p><p>“I’m not a kid, you know.” He said, staring at his feet.</p><p>“What’s that?” Squidward had no idea what he was talking about.</p><p>“I have a house, and a job, and a mortgage. I’m an adult.”</p><p>“Yes. That’s… all very good, SpongeBob.” Squidward had no idea where this was going.</p><p>“If that’s why you don’t want to mate me, you know… just want to clear things up.”</p><p>Squidward suddenly needed coffee desperately. He was not up for this conversation. But here it was.</p><p>“I don’t think you’re a kid.” He kind of did. “That’s not why I don’t want to.” It kind of was.</p><p>“Okay.” The sponge nodded and they kept watching.</p><p>Was that what the silent treatment was about? And why SpongeBob had tried to leave so quickly? Because Squidward didn’t want to… well, SpongeBob had to get over it! So, yeah, he wasn’t a kid… but he was annoying! And Squidward didn’t want to couple with an annoying person.</p><p>
  <em>Oh, who am I kidding? Have I ever slept with someone who didn’t annoy me?</em>
</p><p>So, what if, hypothetically, Squidward was up for it?</p><p>“Have you ever even coupled before?” He refused to be SpongeBob’s first, he swore by all the canned bread in the seven seas.</p><p>“Of course!” SpongeBob didn’t elaborate any further. That was fair. Squidward didn’t want to tell him his mating history, either. <em>So many annoying people…</em></p><p>“And you wouldn’t tell all your little friends about… us?” He meant Patrick and Sandy. Oh, fish paste, Sandy would not let him live this down. And Patrick was a wild card; he could get angry, or not care, or not know what mating was, or he could be an unwitting assassin whose activation code was "I touched Squidward's little tentacle".</p><p>SpongeBob answered in a very even voice. “Squidward, please. I’m not a teenager bragging to their friends. I respect that a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell.” His jellyfishing glasses (TV glasses now, apparently) made him look more mature. “I respect your privacy.” Now <em>that</em> was hilarious, coming from his next-door neighbor.</p><p>It seemed Squidward had nothing to lose. If SpongeBob could keep his mouth shut, then this was just a bit of consequence free fun between adults, right? He turned off the TV. “Okay, then.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Don’t make me regret this, SpongeBob.”</p><p>“WOOOHOOOO!” SpongeBob yelled as he ripped all his clothes off in one move and lifted Squidward into his arms to carry him up the stairs. He kicked the bedroom door open with his bare foot and set Squidward down by the bed.</p><p>“Let’s do this, I’m ready!” The sponge was already on top of the bed while Squidward still looked down at his own naked body and made a mental note to pick up his robe later from wherever it had landed. It had to be hung up properly so as not to crease.</p><p>Though his clothes were left downstairs in a hundred little scraps of fabric, SpongeBob carefully removed his glasses and put them on the bedside table. <em>They must be his only ones.</em> The sponge was lying on his back, looking up at Squidward. The octopus sighed, already regretting all decisions leading up to this - back to and including moving to this Neptune forsaken place years ago - yet he slipped into bed as well.</p><p>So, how did this work? SpongeBob had no mating organ that Squidward could see, but he had a lot of pores, so the act shouldn’t be a problem. <em>Which hole is going to work for this?</em></p><p>“Any one of them is fine, Squidward. It’s all going to feel amazing!”</p><p>Tartar sauce, SpongeBob was invading his thoughts.</p><p>“I’m just reading your face. Boop!” SpongeBob had just booped his nose.</p><p>“I know what I’m doing!” Squidward lied.</p><p>Trying to stall, his hand touched a random pore on SpongeBob’s front, circling around the rim.</p><p>“Whooooo…” SpongeBob howled, his breath blowing into Squidward’s face like the torrents did outside the house. Well, that wasn’t very attractive. But it sounded like an encouragement.</p><p>He kept touching the pore and aiming for another with his other hand, rubbing two circles into the sponge’s chest. The howl continued at a higher pitch.</p><p>It was a perfect fifth, Squidward thought. He wondered if he could make him go up an octave. Squidward was a musician after all. He relaxed one of his limber legs so he could stretch it forward and use it like one of his arms, adding another pore to his ministrations.</p><p>“AAAAAAH!”</p><p><em>Now</em> it was an octave. He removed one arm and the sound went back down to a fifth. He added the arm again. Octave. Removed it again. Perfect fifth. It sounded like a police siren.</p><p>“WhooooAAAAAAAAhoooooohAAAAAAAHooooooo-”</p><p>“Okay, this is weird. We’re done!” Squidward’s mind obviously refused to acknowledge SpongeBob as a potential mate and he had started playing him like a glass harp instead. He lifted himself off the bed, arms up in defeat.</p><p>“Wait, Squidward!” SpongeBob turned around to prop himself up on his hands and knees, presenting Squidward with his rear. His mating arm twitched in its sheath. <em>Why must you betray me, Matey? </em>he thought, adopting SpongeBob’s nickname for it.<em> You have such awful taste in partners.</em></p><p>“That one’s a good one!” SpongeBob reached back with his hand to point out a cavity centered between his legs. “I’ll be quiet,” he whispered.</p><p>“That’d be a first,” Squidward scoffed. He positioned himself behind his eager little bed partner.</p><p>Squidward liked the prospects of coupling from behind. Then he didn’t have to wonder if he should kiss the sponge. He wasn’t a kisser in general and it did nothing for him while mating. <em>I know SpongeBob is a kisser. </em>His nose itched just thinking about it. SpongeBob always went for the nose.</p><p>His mating arm was pressing against its pouch, demanding attention, so he took it out and stroked it rigid before sliding the tip against the pore presented. It was a strange sensation. The sponge felt so soft in his hand where he was holding his hip in place, but to his more sensitive organ the texture was almost rough. Not unpleasant, just unusual.</p><p>“You- you can just put it in…” It was a demand, but SpongeBob was too polite to frame it as anything but a gentle suggestion. So, he put it in.</p><p>As soon as he was inside the pore clamped down around him and the sponge’s insides started to pump. “SpongeBob! Are you trying to milk me? I’m not a jellyfish!”</p><p>“Sorry!” He felt the suction around him relax. “I, heh, got a bit excited there.” He was whispering again.</p><p>“If I wanted to mate a vacuum cleaner, I would go get mine back from your house!” But now that SpongeBob had dialed it down a bit, it felt good. Really good. He started to thrust slowly.</p><p>After starting out too eager, SpongeBob held back nicely now and Squidward could enjoy being enveloped in a way he hadn’t been in a long time. Oh, that was nice. He grabbed the other hip with his remaining hand and his thrusts became faster.</p><p>SpongeBob’s arms collapsed and his face disappeared in a pillow. Squidward realized he was fighting hard not to let any sound escape from his mouth. <em>He’s trying to keep his promise to be quiet. He can make a little noise, I don’t mind.</em></p><p>“You may speak,” is how Squidward phrased it out loud.</p><p>„Like… like…“ SpongeBob gasped.</p><p>„You <em>like like</em> this?“ Squidward made fun of the sponge’s stutter, but his own legs were stuttering with every thrust. He was trying not to go over the edge too soon.</p><p>“Like… popping bubble wrap, but a million times better!” Squidward could practically hear the heart-eyes in SpongeBob’s voice.</p><p>Bubble wrap? Was he talking about the suckers? They lined the underside of his mating arm and had gone from relaxed to taught when he had entered the pore, attaching and detaching in irregular patterns on the sponge’s insides with every move.</p><p><em>Bubble wrap, hah!</em> <em>SpongeBob is such a dork. </em>Squidward grinned and his nose shook with mirth, like it did anytime he thought of a particularly good joke. Except Squidward was the joke now. <em>I’m mating a box-shaped dork</em>. That thought should confuse his libido into lasting a bit longer.</p><p>Then a jolt went up his spine when he touched something inside the sponge. No, wait. When <em>something touched him</em>! He held still, partly so as not to finish too soon, but also because he was scared. He didn’t know much about male sponge anatomy and wouldn’t want to break things on his first visit.</p><p>Whatever had touched him was soft and warm and <em>long </em>and kept caressing him even as he held off moving. It must have been a normal thing, too, because SpongeBob whined at Squidward to please start moving again and paid it no mind. Squidward recognized what it felt like, but he was afraid to ask. He had to know what he was in for, though.</p><p>“SpongeBob? Is that a tongue? Do you have one on the inside?” This was getting ridiculous.</p><p>“Not always… Squidward, please keep going!”</p><p>“Not always?” Squidward didn’t understand. “What does that- wait. You grew a tongue? Just now?”</p><p>SpongeBob nodded and turned his head to reveal his flushed face. “Please keep going?”</p><p>The tongue was wrapping itself around his mating arm, getting a few licks in on the underside. <em>SpongeBob was so darn into those suckers!</em></p><p>“Alright, alright, I’ll keep going, don’t worry. I want this as much as you do.” What was he saying?</p><p>It was true, though! He had mated someone before, and he’d had a mouth on him, too. But both at the same time? Only this ridiculous, asinine, incredible sponge would do that for him.</p><p>So, he would be a good neighbor and be considerate as well. He pulled out, and SpongeBob whined some more. “I said don’t worry about it. I know what I’m doing.” This time he wasn’t lying.</p><p>He adjusted his angle, aiming down and thrusting back in. Now all his suckers from tip to base were firmly attached to SpongeBob’s inside, massaging the surface with every movement. SpongeBob squealed with absolute delight. Rainbows had probably joined the hearts in his eyes.</p><p>“You’re welcome,” Squidward tried for smug, but it came out strained. He might have been seeing a heart or two in his peripheral vision as well.</p><p>“Th-thank you…” Dear Neptune, SpongeBob was sincerely thanking him after his sarcastic remark. That’s what was going to bring him over the edge.</p><p>Squidward’s legs were scrambling for something to hold on to, grabbing either side of the mattress for leverage, and the remaining two legs wrapping around SpongeBob’s, which were kicking all over the place and distracting Squidward from that exquisite feeling. His hands where holding the rectangular hips in place as he thrust in.</p><p>“You- polite- little- dork-shaped- box!” His mating arm emphasized every word with a spurt and a twitch. He could feel the fluid being absorbed directly from his tip into the sponge. There won’t be any mess when he pulled out, so that was convenient. The tongue was still caressing the shaft and trying to catch a few drops, too. Sponges were weird.</p><p>“That’s enough!” Squidward’s mating arm had softened and turned very sensitive. He untangled his limbs from the sponge and the bed and carefully coaxed himself out with a guiding hand. “Ah!” they both exclaimed at the same time. Squidward hissed as he gingerly tucked himself back inside, to shield himself from any more meddling.</p><p>SpongeBob turned around to lie on his back in front of Squidward, and the octopus got to see his face properly for the first time since these insane proceedings had begun.</p><p>He looked very flushed; the light blush that was usually confined to his freckly cheeks had turned bright red and was covering his whole face. His fingers were digging into the sheets for dear life. He was breathing heavily with every pore, literally. Squidward could make out small dust particles being sucked into the holes and flowing back out again, could feel the rush of water against his skin. SpongeBob was also grinning like a maniac, staring past Squidward’s face at nothing. And wouldn’t you know it? Hearts in his eyes.</p><p>Squidward had wanted to do the gentlemanly thing and ask if SpongeBob had come to a satisfying conclusion, but it was so obvious that he had. In fact, he wondered if maybe it had been a bit too much for the guy.</p><p>“You okay, Sponge?” Squidward had come out of this experience much less agitated, and with that came the feeling that he might have acted a bit like a jerk before. Yelling that he doesn’t want to mate SpongeBob instead of letting him down gently. Threatening to leave because he couldn’t keep quiet while mating. And he didn’t have to restrain his legs at the end without asking him first. “Sponge? You’re not a dork-shaped box, okay? That was rude of me, and it made no sense.” Squidward apologized for a completely different thing, hoping SpongeBob would understand the subtleties behind his words.</p><p>“THAT WAS AMAZING!” he yelled, like he hadn’t even heard Squidward. He probably hadn’t. “Did you like it, too, Squidward?”</p><p>Squidward lay down next to SpongeBob, who was immediately pressed into his side. The octopus exhaled loudly. <em>Of course, he’s a cuddler. He’s a cuddler outside the bed already, why would he leave me alone now? </em>He wrapped an arm around the Sponge and pulled a blanket over them both.</p><p>“Like popping bubble wrap times a million, SpongeBob,” he said in monotone.</p><p>SpongeBob liked that answer so much he started vibrating with excitement. That guy was a little time bomb and Squidward never knew when he was going to explode next.</p><p>“Alright, calm down. I’m exhausted, you must be, too.”</p><p>“I think I saw Patrick land on your roof before I blew in.”</p><p>“We’ll get him later. Let’s have a nap.”</p><p>SpongeBob kissed him on the nose – <em>of course!</em> – and went limp in his arm. He immediately started snoring. <em>If only it was always so easy to tell him what to do,</em> Squidward thought as he scratched his nose.</p><p>Squidward closed his eyes. This was kind of nice, right? He wanted to spend the day getting his rocks off and taking a nap. Mission accomplished!</p><p>For a moment he worried how the events of this day would change their relationship. Then he remembered his neighbor was a weirdo and couldn’t possibly become clingier. Nothing would change! The guy was in love with him already. <em>Oh, Neptune, what have I done…</em></p><p>There was a nervous pit in his stomach, right where SpongeBob’s hand lay flat. He patted the hand with his tentacle.</p><p>“I’ll deal with you later, feelings,” he mumbled as he slipped off to sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I like to think this story contains implied past Squidward/Squilliam but it is so vague I didn't put it in the tags.</p><p>Send a comment my way if you liked it!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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